sweetly broken

Sweetly Broken - Jeremy Riddle

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of it's suffering I do drink
Of it's work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just
Chorus:

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled
In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness.

While doing my quiet time two nights ago, I kneeled before the Lord and asked him to speak to me if he chose to. I failed him a million times that day and will continue to fail every day but what I knew was that He would never leave me and will continue to finish the work He has started in me. His spirit gently brings me to my knees surrendering all that I have. As I came to the light, I read this in His word. Ezekiel 36:26 - 29.

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. I will save you from all your uncleanness."

I look back at my life before I re-dedicated my life to Jesus. My heart was a heart of stone. I was apathetic. I didn't care about much. I wandered without a real goal overworking myself, knowing that even money wouldn't bring me happiness. During my church retreat in 07, God spoke through Debi, (a sister that I admire so much.) and broke me causing me to weep whenever I thought of the cross. I couldn't even speak because the spirit was grieving in me. I wanted to scream to the world the love of Christ and our beautiful God. When school started, my cousin Jane who has also been miraculously delivered from drug addictions, told me to start a bible study. That bible study is called Passion Church. He worked miraculously during senior year through passion church, helping us to bond more as a family and to be there for one another. We've seen each other being healed before our eyes. God's amazing. Another time, he gave me an opportunity to have passion church with Yun's sister and mom who were visitng from Korea. Only by the holy spirit, there was conviction within Yun's sister and her mom that after I left, they were blown away what God was trying to do the whole time. Recently, I met up with Yun again and she told me that her father was starting to go to church. He's now in love with Jesus and with God. Amazing how God can transform a heart of stone to a heart of flesh. Yun told me that she hears from her sister what He does at home and how He can't stop talking about Jesus and the bible. Praise God! God's been faithful and will continue to be faithful to us. I can't write into words the love He has shown me and is continuing to show me. All I can say is that I don't deserve any of this but that is the main reason why it's through grace I am saved. With mercy, God is training me to love him in every situation and to lay down my life everyday.

O God, renew my spirit and fill me every day with your unfailing love. Help me to reach the lost. Burden my heart with the brokenness in your heart so that I may go out of my way to please you and bring those you have called back to knowing you and loving you, because there's nothing like it. You are like... totally out of this world. I wished everyone could turn to you and believe in you... I guess that's why you have placed Christians here, so that we can pray on their behalf, and to intercede for people who do not know you.

I remember watching Prince of Egypt a couple months back for the first time after being saved and man, that broke me so much. God is beautiful. My spirit started to grieve again for my brothers and sisters that were in bondage to the world just like the israelites were enslaved by the Egyptians. God calls Moses to bring His people out of slavery to freedom into the promised land. God told me while watching this how I was a slave to sin and now He has brought me out. The Israelites are God's people enslaved. This is why we evangelize, to bring them to repentance before the holy of holies, to help break off the chains of apathy, indifference, suicide, pride, lies, etc...That movie is super annointed even though it's done by Dreamworks. And there is no limit to God. He uses even people who don't know Him to speak... that's crazy.. and these people don't even know it's God using them in His plan.. Anyways. Got to get to work early tommorrow.

Good night world.

i am satisfied.

This is my second post on my new blogspot! woohoo. exciting. I've been contemplating whether to make a blog or not.. and i just decided to... last minute. The purpose for this blogspot would be to write my inspirations, dreams, visions, purpose, training, and goals in life. Dang that's a lot.... My life has been amazing so far with it's ups and downs. God's been breaking me a lot these days, revealing to me who I really am. It's pretty crazy looking back and seeing all the mistakes I've made and also the mistakes I'll continue to make on a day to day basis. God's been merciful to me by showing and telling me who who I've hurt, offended, and basically judged in the past two weeks. He's been forcing it out ever since I was really mad at Jay. HS's been revealing to me my pride and self righteousness. To be honest, I was in complete state of shock. It's who I never wanted to be and was trying my best in my own ability to avoid becoming. Without knowing, I was blind to my own ways and my heart deceived me and will continue to deceive me unless I look into the word and listen to the HS. The more I realize about myself and how wicked I can be, I start realizing more of the grace of God and how Beautiful Jesus is. I know it's not on my own performance and works that I'm saved but by grace.... just placing my hope, faith, trust in the Lord Jesus Christ because I know I will always be falling short. I'm always going to be falling again and again but the only thing that matters is not how many times I fail but whether I can get back up and start walking again believing and trusting in the Blood of Jesus and not on my own performance.

So, I've been writing down my thoughts and bible verses in my little red book that I purchased in Little Tokyo. So far I've finished 1 notebook and is onto this one.. I wonder how many I can fill up in a lifetime... I bet this world wouldn't be able to hold my notebooks if I wrote every single thing God's been doing in people's lives. O man! I'll be a busy woman.. writing every single moment of my life...God, You're amazing! This is why this post's title is "i am satisfied." I am not satisfied at the state I'm in, but I am satisfied the fact that God's always going to love me no matter how many times I fail... This will lead me to repentance and faithfulness to him. Because HE IS LOVE! and I want to love Him with everything that I've got because He loves me. Many times I've caught myself taking advantage of God by doing whatever I wanted....but He STILL draws me back to Him, realizing how I can be.. how fickle I can be to God, who remains faithful til the end. He continues to break me and help me realize that He's all I need. That His grace is enough for me. Anyways, so this is my first post.

The song that would fit this would be:

Tenth Avenue North: Satisfy

Satisfy me Lord, 2x
Yeah, I'm begging You, to help me see
You're all I want, You're all I need
Oh, satisfy me Lord

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're more than all this world can give
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're love is all I need to live.

I believe this should be our prayer everyday, that He will satisfy us and to help us see..